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the ultimate Maa-Moran

This is the post excerpt.

Honestly speaking, I think I am the ultimate maa-warrior of today.In the days of my grandfathers’ one had to kill a lion with bare hands,to proof themselves before they could be initiated into Moran hood.Today that is prohibited and illegal – killing of wild animals. They used to defend the community against external attacks and organize raids in neighboring communities.Today the times have changed but we still the same warriors.

               My Community is rightly famous for possessing Huge male genitalias.This came to be discovered by our neighbors when after a raid : livestock and women were stolen.The captured women opted to remain with us -( their captors )willingly, some even after successful counter raids, dared the night to only return back to their former captors!.This truly must have baffled our neighbors minds.

           Todays moran like me have embraced the modern ways of life.For me I love to pleasure beautiful ladies in a way they never have.

            If you think you are beautiful and curvaceous plan a tour with me.You shall live to cherish those moments for the rest of your life.

King Mswati Officially Unveils his 14th Virgin bride

Swaziland’s leader King Mswati officially unveils his 14th virgin bride.

This follows a week long annual traditional event known as Umhlanga Annual Reed Dance.

The girls have to undergo a virginity test.

The King of Swaziland, King Mswati the Third has officially unveiled his 14th Virgin bride.

King Mswati unveiled the bride to the tiny South African nation as Siphelele Mashwama (19),the daughter of a Swaziland cabinet Minister.

This follows a week long annual traditional event where virgins are paraded in front of the King.

According to Mpumalanga News,Mashwama was chosen and given red feathers known as emagwalagwla plucked from a bird that is associated with the royal family.

She was the lucky girl amongst the thousands who turned up for the event and caught the Kings eye who sometimes uses the occasion to publicly court a prospective fiancee

The Reed dance is a public holiday in Swaziland where tens of thousands of prospective Virgin females present newly cut Reed to the Queen Mother to protect her residence .

The dance is held at the Ludzidzini Royal Village where the girls after undergoing a virginity test disperse to surrounding areas to cut the tall reeds.

During the ceremony itself, led by Swaziland princesses ,the girls dance ,chant and colourfully celebrate in an event witnessed by locals ,royalty and tourist alike .

Some of the brides the King chose in the past left him .He ascended to the throne when he was only 14-years-old after his father ,King Sobhuza 2 died.

I’m not a Ghost!

Suddenly the clouds became pregnant with rain and it would soon start pouring down. It began to rain cats and dogs. There was nowhere Wamatangi could shelter himself from the drenching rain.

He wanted to travel to Nakuru for a business trip but first he had to get to the nearby trading centre and board a matatu. There were few vehicles on the road and all the matatus were full with passengers. He was now waving down all the vehicles on the road. Luckily, a pickup truck pulled over. “I am traveling to Nakuru, please drop me at the bus stop so I can board a bus”,Wamatangi pleaded. The driver informed him that he too was headed to Nakuru and that he was from buying a coffin at a funeral home. With the co-drivers seat occupied, Wamatangi had no choice but to travel at the back of the truck with the casket.

He jumped into the truck and the driver sped off but the rain was still beating him hard. He couldn’t bear with the pain of the hard-hitting hailstones any longer . He decided to seek comfort inside the coffin, he thought since it was new it was not scary to lay in.

It was well built,inlayed with an expensive fabric .He fitted well like it was meant for him. It was a sigh of relief from the thunder and lightning outside .It was so warm inside and Wamatangi was struggling to stay awake .

After driving for several kilometers the generous driver came along two hitchhikers by the roadside .they too waved him down,he asked them to jump at the back. lucky for these two, they had waterproof raincoats on.

The shorter and overweight guy was telling the tall and well-built man a story about ghosts .He said that his late great-grandmother’s ghost appeared to members of his family when they were in trouble.

Soon, Wamatangi woke up,at first not knowing where he were enclosed ,he could make out the voices of two men outside the coffin .He knew they must have joined him at the back while he slept .

Wamatangi pushed the casket door open and asked in Kikuyu, “nego keire?”.(has it stopped raining ?)

Like on seeing a real ghost ,the two men scared out of their wits jumped off the fast-moving truck .On landing on the tarmac with a thud, Wamatangi now halfway out of the casket tried to tell these two men not to panic that he was no ghost .Badly wounded ,blood was oozing profusely and was being washed by the rain water.They stood up like nothing had happened to them,faster than a hunting cheetah they ran off in opposite directions into the bushes.

Tim the Troublemaker

Tim is one of the most famous elephant in the Amboseli ecosystem.

Tim is no ordinary elephant there are 1,400 elephants in the Amboseli NP and then there is Tim.

Carrying some of the largest tusks on the continent, Tim has earned the reputation of being the deadliest jumbo in the Amboseli.He does not move alone.You will spot him in a drove of a dozen other males.

Having being around for nearly five decades, the elephant in his prime has mastered the art of raids. Most of his raids happen in the deep end of the night. Whenever he strikes, he lives behind a trail of destruction.

Nearly all Maasai homesteads around Amboseli have heard of Tim or met his fury and wrath as he moves to satisfy his new-found taste for fresh vegetables, tomatoes and maize.

Besides being famous, he has become a bit infamous because he likes to go into the farms. The KWS and Big Life Foundation rangers have to keep on chasing him out. If he sees a Big Life Foundation or a KWS vehicle, he gets a bit angry with them.

Move at night

The latest initiative to keep Tim and other elephants away from the farms has been bees. when we visit ,we find beehives perched on several trees ,especially near human settlement .

Nothing causes elephants more nuisance than do buzzing bees.But this too does not work all the time because elephants prefer to move at night,when bees are asleep.

But he has not always left unscathed .Tim has suffered several injuries in his dangerous raids, some nearly lethal as he plucked human settlement in his path in his frequent trips across the Kenya and Tanzania border .

The weight of his tusks is finally catching up with him ,slowed him significantly in recent past but his name still strikes fear in even the bravest Maasai Moran.

To contain Tim,conservationists have an app to track him down .They must get into his brain and know what he is thinking ,where he plans to strike and route he may follow .

He has a chip on him. He comes through the corridor mostly at night when the light has been switched off at the water hole.

Hell Breaks Loose In Church

In Ngondi village there are a number of churches but the one that stands out is the ACK. It is located near the market place on a small hill. From there one gets a panoramic view of the whole village.

The main reason why this church is popular is because their pastor – pstr. Mwanzia is reputed with giving lively and relevant sermons.

On this fateful day, on request by pstr. Mwanzia, the Church’s youth group were going to present a masquerade drama. They had done many plays before,but this was the first time they were to be in costume.

The play was about how sinners would be meted with eternal punishment by the devil and his evil beings. They had earnestly prepared for this day. Meeting in between the week to practice, now they were doing a dress rehearsal outside the church.

Inside the church, the congregation sat attentively listening to pstr. Mwanzia. He was preaching about the end times, quoting the book of revelation. Surely, many people were going to give their lives to Christ. As he winded up his widely gleaned preaching he invited the Youths to entertain the church. As he walked to take his seat.

The lead actor, dressed like Lucifer himself was about to walk in through the door. They were at the large front main door. The congregation was beaming with anticipation. As soon as the flock saw the masquerade actors, screams filled the air as the poor villagers stampeded through the small back door .

Not knowing what to do, the actors watched in awe as everyone ran to save his/her or its dear life.Gatana the lead actor on seeing an elderly woman struggling to free herself from barbed wire that fenced the church ,went to help. As she approached this elderly and a respected member of the church .The woman begged ,”don’t harm me Satan, you know I belong to you!I am your servant ,you know I even sniff tobacco in secrecy, my coming to church is just but a show”.Maybe Gatana should have thought to remove the mask first. “Ni mimi Gatana,tulikuwa tu tunaigiza Bali me siyo shetani(its me Gatana we were only doing a play, I’m no devil.

This elderly woman usually walk with a walking stick,but no sooner had she been freed from the wire,than she took off at a neck breaking speed, she could have outran Olympic champions .

Every Dog Has Its Day

It’s on a Monday evening, tired as a dodo but thankful for the Lord’s grace in my life. I have not much of worldly possessions nonetheless I dream of brighter days ahead. The beauty of life is that you know not what tomorrow holds. I’m trying to put one and one together, to create a delightful experience before bookings start coming my way, I have a good gut feeling, they shall. Amen.

As if as an evening ritual I always find myself at baze – an open place with a few mad structures where cheap illicit liquor and bhang are sold. I don’t use the former. As I get there I’m always faced by a dilemma – to stay outside, by the roadside and spoil my reputation or get inside the dens compound and risk being arrested although it is unlikely, there is a good business terms between the police and the pedlers.

I always keep a low profile, most of the guys hanging out here work as fishing crew,they are rough and ignorant. Today I’m lucky to find Soki,sober and in good moods. When it comes to rolling the grass,he is highly sought after – he is touted as a rolling machine.

Umesikia vile Kariuki amekafunga leo? (have you heard the amount of money Kariuki has made today ?).Apana(no) ,I answered, tell me what happened, how did he do it!, I request with much interest .Kariuki is just a guy who does menial jobs especially fetching firewood.

It is the talk of town! .Today as Kariuki left his house he left earlier because he has had a bad week due to the ongoing rains.As he got inside the forest ,he had mixed feelings but asked the Almighty to intervene and make a way. He was troubled and in a state of soliloquy ,you could tell by his hand movements – maybe his family has been barely surviving .

Suddenly ,he saw a big male lion running towards him. Its mane blowing backwards as it ran. Its deadly claws ready to pounce on him. Instinctively, he took off at a lightening speed. He couldn’t run for long as the lion was outrunning him and soon it would bring him down.

He climbed on top of the nearest tree. Lucky for him, the lion couldn’t climb .He sighed with relief knowing the lion would soon give up waiting and go its way. He waited and waited ,the lion seemed determine to wait for him.maybe it knew he couldn’t stay up there forever .After waiting for several hours ,Kariuki fell asleep.He must have had a pleasant day dream and forgot he was literally sleeping on a delicate balance .

With a bang! ,he came falling on the then scared and confused lion. it must have dozed off too!.The lion stood with Kariuki bestrode on it. It run off with him-as if Kariuki was riding a horse .Soon, a tourist van appeared .He thought help had finally come his way only for the White tourist to alight and started recording and taking pictures .They exclaimed ,” Hey Johnie ? this is unbelievable ?!”

Kariuki was now holding the lion by the tail.With its tail twisted it run henter skelter in pain, after a good show he let go the tail, the lion shook him off and dashed in the trees.

Kariuki stood up, wiped off the dust off his clothes .All the tourist gathered around him. They all wanted to talk to him.Dollars then talk! ,Kariuki told the shocked and exited foreigners .On hearing his demand, they all obliged ,They gave him a lot of dollars ,many times more than he has ever imagined .

He told the tourist to come back tomorrow at that exact location to witness an even more daring show. He lied to them that that was how he killed time when bored.

“This is not a story !,I am coming from the forest, the tourists are all assembled there.with their complicated cameras ready to record ,hoping not to miss a single detail .but, Kariuki is nowhere to be seen! “

Encroachment on NPs

In the recent past there has been a standoff between conservatives and government officials on a SGR railroad route to be taken. It has been planned to go through the Nairobi National Park – as a shortcut .

Increased activities in the park from the railroad workers and heavy machinery used in laying the railway will not auger well with predators because some major hunting grounds have been affected.some paths leading to watering points have affected as well .

This has led to increased human – wildlife conflicts. This has rekindled the memories of the colonial times Tsavo man – eaters.This were dangerous man – eating lions – they had developed a taste for human flesh and they hardly preyed on wild animals. This was during the time the British were laying down a railway from the coastal city of Mombasa to the lakeside city of Kisumu – lunatic express app 1000km apart. The Indians were the labourers – it is reported they disappeared in their hundreds. That is more than half a century ago.today, the Chinese are not taking chances they have been provided with ample security as they construct the SGR -the first railway to be build by independent Kenyan government – madaraka expresss-, along the stretch along Tsavo NP.

Due to this invasion on their habitats,blocking of their paths, invading their hunting grounds, the animals have resulted to attacking herdsmen and their herds of cattle.

Nairobian’s plying along Lang’ata road have become accustomed to seeing stray lions on their highways ,sometimes causing panic and excitement depending on whether you are on foot or in a vehicle .

recently, Kenyans on social media castigated the Kenya Wildlife Service KWS for killing Nomad- a celebrity 3year old male lion of the Nairobi NP. This happened after they were alerted of stray lions by herders outside the park. The game wardens claimed the park had run out of tranquilizers so they had to shoot dead the lion, this sparked an online roar against the senseless wardens.

Many people have expressed their disappointment.They have viewed this as a calculated scheme by influential people to finally grabbing the park.Nairobi NP is the only game park within a city in the world .

Their efforts – conservatives .however, have borne some fruits as it has seen a revision of the original plan of laying the railroad on the ground to where it is passing over head along the park.